The Boyfriend Swap Read online

  Will grinned. “It had nothing to do with your purity.” He glanced at me. “I wouldn’t know.” He stroked my hand gently under the table.

  While Robyn shifted in her seat, I squeezed Will’s knee to confirm I wasn’t threatened. Robyn was pretty, but I wasn’t the jealous type. She was also a bit of a spaz, albeit in an endearing sort of way.

  Will spooned a portion of popcorn onto his plate and then focused his gaze on Robyn. “You were always so cheery, dancing in the hallways as if there was nowhere you’d rather be than in school. I could almost picture you cutting a rug in your room as birds sang, and deer, rabbits, and raccoons played at your side.” He laughed. “Like Snow White. You even resemble her, with your black hair and blue eyes.”

  Perry’s eyebrows drew together. “You could imagine? This nickname was your idea?”

  Will shrugged and took a sip of beer. “It was a long time ago. I’m not entirely sure.”

  “Right,” Perry said, sounding pathetically jealous over some stupid high school nickname.

  I rolled my eyes and kicked Will under the table.

  Robyn’s eyes glowed as she gazed at Will. “That’s funny, because you were so broody, I imagined you holed up in your room with the door closed silently pondering the meaning of life.” She cleared her throat before darting her eyes between Will and me. “We didn’t run in the same circles too much.”

  “Why not?” I asked, hoping her answer would segue to a good opening to discuss the swap.

  “I was a grade ahead of her,” Will said before smiling fondly at Robyn. “And she was a theater kid and I wasn’t.”

  With a shrug, Robyn said, “Yes, Will was too cool to be in chorus or audition for a school production and I…wasn’t.”

  “Some theater kids were very cool in high school,” Perry said. “Like me, for instance. In any event, I can vouch that Robyn’s purity is no longer an issue.” He winked and kissed the top of Robyn’s shrinking head as she slunk so far down her seat, she could be mistaken for a little girl. Perry and I laughed good-naturedly at her expense until Will reciprocated my earlier kick under the table.

  Robyn

  Remember to breathe, Robyn. In through the nose, out through the mouth. If I couldn’t even share a drink with the guy without requiring medical attention, there was no way I could pull off pretending he was my boyfriend. It had never occurred to me that Sidney’s “Will” might be Will Brady—my old neighbor and the object of my high school fantasies. Considering how many times I spoke his name and wrote it in my diary during my teenage years, something should have triggered in my brain weeks ago, but it hadn’t. I’d previously doubted my ability to lie to my family, but adding Will Brady to the picture added another level of complication. There had to be a way out of this.

  “Sidney mentioned you’re a lawyer now?” I immediately berated myself for posing it as a question. If Sidney told me Will was a lawyer, there was no reason for me to ask, as if he’d correct me and say he was a doctor. Moron. I took a sip of wine, my trembling hand firmly gripping the glass. If I spilled it again, I’d die. At least we’d moved on from discussing the extent of my purity in high school. My near-constant daydreams about Will back then were most unwholesome, despite being a virgin until my freshman year in college.

  Will nodded. “What about you?”

  “I’m a music teacher at an elementary school.” I gazed down at my drink. I needed to pace myself, but between the disturbing rumor at school, anxiety over asking Perry to pretend to be someone else’s romantic partner, and now unearthing that my temporary boyfriend—should he agree to the task—would be Will Brady, foggy inebriation was looking good. As was Will.

  When Will whispered something to Sidney, I snuck a furtive glance at him. His face had filled out a bit since high school, but he basically looked the same. His dark hair was shorter now and cut close to his head, but he had the same brownish green eyes that twinkled when he laughed and a smattering of freckles around his nose. My long hair felt hot against my neck as he caught me staring at him. I slid closer to Perry.

  Will raised an eyebrow. “A music teacher fits you.”

  I squirmed in my seat. I bet he was remembering the plays I put on in my backyard in elementary school and junior high. I’d hold auditions for any interested kids in the neighborhood and we’d sell tickets to our parents. I always wished Will would join in, but he never did.

  “You know what they say. Those who can, do. Those who can’t…” Perry said, putting an arm around me and drawing me in close.

  I rolled my eyes and punched him gently in the shoulder. I knew he was teasing, unlike Sidney, who gasped, and Will, who sneered in Perry’s direction.

  Perry raised his hands in the air. “Kidding.” Into my ear, he whispered, “You know I’m only playing, right?”

  I pecked him on the lips. “Yes.”

  Will cleared his throat. “Teaching is a great job. I’m sure the kids love you.”

  I swallowed hard, not wanting to think about my students and whether they’d be fluent in French next year but sorely lacking music in their lives.

  “I can’t even remember the last time I saw your family,” Will continued.

  “It’s been a long time,” I agreed. I flashed back to watching through my bedroom window as Will’s parents helped pack up his navy Honda Civic before he left for his freshman year of college. The whole family moved away a few months later and I never saw him again. Until now. I wished I’d spent more time on my makeup or worn something else. I felt like a giant lemon in my bright skirt, especially next to Sidney. She was so sophisticated in her fitted black skirt and gray cashmere top. I darted a guilty glance at Perry. I shouldn’t care what Will thought. I wasn’t in high school anymore.

  Will took a sip of Guinness and wiped his upper lip. “How are your folks? What’s Jordy up to these days?”

  Even though my younger brother, Jordon, followed Will and his friends around like an unwanted shadow from grade school on, Will sounded genuinely interested. “They’re go—”

  Sidney glanced at her watch. “Speaking of our folks, we need to talk to you guys about something.”

  “Who’s we?” Will and Perry asked at the same time.

  “Buy me a Coke,” Perry said, pointing at Will.

  Will narrowed his eyes at Perry, saying nothing.

  I chewed on my nail, torn between hoping Sidney knew what she was doing and a desire to sneak off to the bathroom, climb out the window, and make my escape from the insanity of what she was about to propose.

  Once Sidney had our attention, she nodded. “Okay, here’s the deal. Christmas is around the corner, and Robyn and I need you to do us a huge favor.” She opened her green eyes wide and gave Will a pleading look while I slunk down into my seat and tried to slow the beating of my heart. I felt Perry glancing at me through my side vision but kept my head bent toward the scratched wooden table.

  “What kind of favor?” Will asked.

  I glanced up in time to see his brows furrowed in concern.

  “Help make us not want to murder our parents,” Sidney said matter-of-factly.

  Laughing, Perry said, “Robyn doesn’t even like to kill bugs. I can’t imagine her parents’ lives are in danger.”

  I twiddled a strand of hair around my finger and protested, “You paint me like I’m…” I paused to come up with a good comparison. “Snow White.” I caught Will’s eye across the table and my stomach churned nervously. “I can stomp ants to their deaths like a champ, and let’s not forget the mouse in my apartment. I shed no tears over its passing. But, no, I don’t literally want my parents dead. I am, however, afraid they’ll drive me batty over Christmas and I’d prefer to avoid it.” It occurred to me bringing Will home would inspire a completely distinct yet equally substantial reaction from my parents, and I stopped speaking and turned the floor back to Sidney.

 
She leaned forward across the table. “Here’s the thing. Robyn’s folks are concerned she’s on the way to destitution if she continues to date artsy types like Perry.” She glanced at him. “No offense.”

  Perry waved his hand and said, “None taken” before turning to me. “They do?”

  I nodded reluctantly. “They bug me constantly about it and have done so right in front of old boyfriend’s faces, even yours. Just last month, they tried to bribe me with orchestra-seat tickets to In Transit on Broadway. I was dying to see the first fully acapella show and they knew it. When I refused to take my mom’s colleague’s son, a doctor, as my date, the tickets magically disappeared.” I grimaced. “They have no shame, and I’m sick of it. It’s nothing personal.” I frowned and patted his leg reassuringly under the table, even though I probably needed the comfort more than him. He was like Teflon—nothing stuck. “They wish I’d date someone with a boring steady job for a change.” I looked at Will and winced. “No offense.” The irony of my past infatuation with Will given his current career choice dawned on me, and I giggled. Realizing no one else was in on my joke, I slapped a hand against my mouth.

  Will regarded me with a crinkled brow. “None taken. I think. But what does this have to do with you, Sid?” He placed his hand over hers on the table.

  Sidney gazed up at him from under her long eyelashes. “I have the opposite problem. If I bring home an attorney, or anyone whose business could potentially require a high-priced lawyer, my father will turn the entire holiday into an RFP.” For mine and Perry’s benefit, she clarified, “A request for proposal. Basically he’ll pitch his services to you all weekend.” She faced Will again. “If I bring you, my dad will brag nonstop about B&B and either rag on your firm and all the reasons he thinks it’s inferior to ours, or he’ll try to hire you. And when I say ‘nonstop,’ I mean nonstop.” She shuddered. “I can’t do it.”

  Will shrugged. “Then I’ll stay in the city. I already told you I don’t care what I do for Christmas.”

  “No,” Sidney said so loudly, she drew the attention of the neighboring tables.

  Chuckling, Will said, “What’s the big deal, babe?”

  Sidney sighed dramatically. “If I go alone, my mom will whore me out to all the single men at the party.” Probably noting Will’s horrified expression, she added, “Her intentions are PG. I’m not so sure about theirs. I have to take a date. I just don’t want to take you.” She patted down a hair on his head. “No offense.”

  I wondered if we were going to spend the entire evening apologizing for possibly offending one another and tried not to laugh again.

  “And besides, if you stay home, where does that leave Robyn and Perry?” she asked.

  Perry raised his hand and, after swallowing the popcorn in his mouth, said, “For the kids at home, what does any of this have to do with me?”

  She pointed her fork at Perry. “Robyn and I think it would be best for all of us if she took Will home as her date and I took Perry. That way, Robyn is dating a businessman who has health insurance and a 401(k), and I bring someone of absolutely no interest to my father’s business.” She looked at Perry. “Still no offense.”

  “Can you please backtrack? You said it would be best for all of us. How is this idea good for me or Perry?” Will asked.

  “I’ll find a way to make it up to you, Brady,” Sidney said, adopting a sensuous, throaty voice.

  Will rolled his eyes but chuckled, while I shook off the unwanted visual of him having sex with Sidney.

  “What about me?” Perry asked.

  Sidney raised an eyebrow at Perry. “You want me to make it up to you too?”

  Perry smirked. “Not exactly, sweetheart, but thanks for the offer. What I mean is there’s nothing Robyn here can bribe me with that she doesn’t already deliver willingly.”

  I shielded my face with a menu to hide my embarrassment. When I put it down, Will was watching me with an amused expression. I slapped Perry on the leg. “Be serious, Perry.”

  “I was looking forward to Chrismukkah at the Lane house. I thought you were going to accompany me on the piano. I sing, you play. Remember?” Perry asked.

  Will pointed at me. “Robyn’s a great singer too.”

  “Thank you,” I croaked out before grimacing with embarrassment. If he only knew how often I thought of him when I belted out songs of unrequited love and yearning back in the day.

  Sidney tapped a knife against her glass. “I still have the floor.”

  The three of us stopped talking and focused our attention on Sidney.

  “I’ve been listening to what you’re saying, and I might be able to sweeten the pot,” Sidney said to Perry.

  At once eager and wary to hear what idea she had percolating in her devious brain, I leaned forward.

  Perry mirrored my body language. “Go on,” he prodded.

  Sidney grinned—the same evil smile she honored me with the night of the wine tasting party when she talked me into this crazy scheme in the first place. “Robyn comes from a household of singers. At her Christmas, you’ll be one of many fighting for your turn with the mic.”

  Perry glanced at me questioningly.

  I had a feeling where this was going and nodded. “This is true.”

  “At the Bellows’ Christmas party, you can monopolize the ebonized Steinway and Sons grand piano for as long as you’d like. In fact, we can organize a show. And…” She graced us with her sly grin once more. “This will be a fantastic acting exercise for you. You’ll have to convince upward of forty people we’re boyfriend and girlfriend.”

  “I’m not sure.” He gave me a wary glance, but there was a gleam in his eyes, and I could tell Sidney held his interest.

  Piling on the incentives, Sidney said, “Have I mentioned the largest practice area in my firm is entertainment law? It’s what both my dad and I specialize in. My father invites his most prestigious clients and business colleagues to Christmas. This means networking opportunities galore for you.”

  Perry pressed his lips together, appearing to ponder his next words. “Okay, I’ll do it. I’ll be Sidney’s boyfriend for a few days—in name only, of course.” He shined his baby blues on me. “I’ll miss you, but if it’s what you really want…”

  I swallowed hard. It was what I wanted, wasn’t it? Why else would I be on a double date with Sidney, a virtual stranger, and her boyfriend—Will Brady? I’d agreed to lie to my parents, something I never did, just to avoid their blatant disdain for my dating choices. So what if I had an unrequited crush on Will the entire duration of my childhood? I was an adult now, and I was dating Perry. I needed to protect him from my parents’ judgement and maintain my sanity over the holiday weekend. This was what I wanted.

  Then why did I feel like I was going to throw up?

  “Of course it’s what she wants,” Sidney responded for me.

  I nodded timidly. “Sure.” Taking a deep breath in and letting it out, I clarified my answer with a more confident “Yes.” I met Will’s eyes across the table. “As long as Will’s okay with it too.”

  “What do you say, Will?” Sidney asked, sounding certain the answer would be a resounding “Yes.”

  Chapter 4

  Robyn

  “Too bad Will had to be a killjoy,” Perry said the next morning at my kitchen table as he crunched on a piece of bacon.

  I was rehashing the events of the night before to Anne Marie over the scrambled eggs, bacon, and toast breakfast she’d generously prepared for us. She even used gluten-free bread for Perry. “Uh-huh,” I said, swallowing a forkful of eggs even though the gnawing feeling in my stomach was competing with my usually voracious morning appetite.

  Perry slumped down in his chair and shook his head. “Who knows who would show up at a party like that? Any of those tycoons could be a Broadway investor or a movie studio honcho.” He dropped his fork onto his pl
ate in frustration.

  “Could be.” Even though Sidney had clearly proposed the swap as a way to help the two of us, Perry was more focused on how Will’s refusal to play along affected him. I lacked the energy to be annoyed.

  Anne Marie scooted her chair closer to mine and whispered, “What are you going to do about Chrismukkah?” She motioned her head toward Perry, who was scooping the rest of his eggs onto a piece of toast, oblivious to how Will’s negative response to the boyfriend swap idea affected me.

  I stood up and walked to our coffee pot, my music note slippers scratching against the medium-brown wood floor of our kitchen. “I’ll have to find some way to tune out my parents’ nagging.” Whether I ended up with Perry or not, my folks would eventually need to accept that my taste in men was not necessarily one a financial advisor would consider a conservative choice—it was more stock than bond.

  “You think your mom will make those pumpkin pastries? What are they called again?” Perry asked.

  I sat back down at the table. “They’re called rodanchas, and no. We eat those on Rosh Hashanah. She’ll probably make fried bread though. They’re called sfinz. You’ll like them.”

  Perry beamed, seemingly no longer upset about being stuck at the Lane holiday dinner, where his chances of being discovered as the next Matthew Morrison were nonexistent. Perry fanboyed over Morrison because he managed to succeed in both television and on Broadway. I wished my mom’s cooking was enough to make me feel better about Will saying no. A part of me was relieved he wouldn’t play along. There would be no need for me to lie to my parents, brother, and every other member of my extended family coming to dinner about who I was dating. And yes, bringing Perry along would be painful, but at least it was a familiar agony. But why wasn’t Will comfortable with it? Was he distressed with the situation in general, or was it personal to me? I bet he remembered the time junior year when he walked in on me and my best friend James singing acapella upstairs at Cassie Milano’s keg party while everyone else was using the bedrooms to get drunk or fool around. From the mystified expression on his face, you’d think he caught us practicing witchcraft, not belting out Carrie Underwood’s “Before He Cheats.”